Loss of identity

Growing up, I never really understood what my friends were talking about when they were infatuated, or why they acted so silly. What can I say, I get it now :P

This one talks about one of my great fears, the reason I like to keep moving. Staying in one place binds you to being one person, stems your growth. You will always be the you those closest to you expect you to be. But what if that version of you is gone? And alternatively, who are you when the people who's perception you are reflecting leave?

My reflection fading
The outline of my face
Blurring, the person
Behind the eyes no longer in place
Like a haze forming
Between the me I am
And the me you see
My image so dependent
On your image of me.

I leave this incomplete because I'm not sure how it should end.. who will leave and how will the image change as a result?

Star light, burn bright

It takes a moment of clarity to undo the work of a lifetime of madness. The world is so full of words and thoughts and opinions, the he-saids and the she-saids drown out the I-thinks because we no longer think and just rephrase. My greatest fear is that I will lose my voice and become the content aggregator for a hundred other opinions that were formed by the same lack of thought that often comes with recycled beliefs. It takes a moment of clarity to see through the mist. What is life? A brilliant spark of light in an eternity of darkness, a single shout in a forever of silence? And if that is my life, what is the whole? The collection of all lives. Imagine an eternity brought to light with the brilliance of a million shining souls. Or the silence made alive by the echoes of joy that resonate with just being. Not being alive or dead or old or young, but just being. If we are just a spark, let us shine as bright as we can. If we are just a shout, let us fill our lungs a cry that will resonate through the very ends of the universe. If there are greater beings out there, let us give them a show to remember and a reason to watch. If we are truly alone, let us live to inspire and in turn be inspired by the light of others. It takes a billion stars burning together to light up the night. Let us be that burning light.

Damn forever

Inspired by my sister-in-law, I have decided to be disciplined about my blogging and keep at it. Since 2 people read it, if that many, I figure this is a perfect place practice and recreate my writing style, rediscover the talent that seems to have left me while I was sleeping through my youth.

So here is my latest, fresh off my One Note page, while working on a Sunday night. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl are friends. Boy and girl are more than friends. Boy leaves, without a word. And girl is just, well.. it's not a new story. And it's not an uncommon one. But amazingly enough, that doesn't make it less painful.

I didn't even move and just
Like that you're gone forever
Wait, that seems so long
Weren't we supposed to
Be great together, be
Friends long after all the rest
Faded? But you just left
Without a word or trace
Forever. The word seems
All wrong and so final
For something this important
For what we were
It's one of those words,
Like infinity or eternity
They aren't real, they’re just
Exaggerations, mutations of a
Concept humans pretend to comprehend
Or so I used to think
But you really are gone and
This really is forever..
While I miss you and obsess
You just move on, confess
Am a bit dazed so tell me
Should I try to stop you
Ask you where you're going
And why? Or do I let you fly
Out of my world, my mind
Into the black, forget
We met, or that we cared
Erase the time, moments shared
Do I go to you and ask you to stay
Or stay myself as you go away.

This is a style I've been trying to master for a while. I'm sure it has a better name than the one I give it but, the effect it's supposed to have is like someone received a blow to the head and is in that in between space between being awake and seeing stars, can't thread thoughts together in a sequence but instead, just flits between the thoughts that keep him spiraling downwards.